Wait Master, it might be dangerous...you go first.

Yo.

So now I am in the beautiful city/island thing of Monemvasia and sad to tell that class is over. We left Sparta and arrived here yesterday where we just had a review session for class.

Today, we started the morning with a typical Greek breakfast of bad toast with some butter. They gave us hard-boiled eggs but that doesn’t help me at all, as always. Then, we hiked up a mountain to see the actual site. I wore a tank top and shorts which was not okay for the churches but that’s fine because it was way too hot and sunny for any other option. After a long hike, we discovered that the main church was closed. From there, a bunch of us went on our own to go on a hike up the rest of the mountain. This was such a beautiful view. I got to climb up remains. I went into a house and tried to climb up a window, which I broke and had all the rock fall on me. I started to laugh and was covered in dirt and rock and blood basically. It was quite hilarious. From there, we hiked down where I was stung by a bee or something.

We then had class at a church where John was completely baffled as to how I appeared. I was a mess and covered in dirt. When Caroline and I were in an olive oil shop the previous day, we heard about a celebration in the town because of an icon. About 30 years ago, this beautiful icon had been stolen. In order for them to steal it, they had to tear the icon into separate strips. About five years ago, they got it back and sent it to Athens to be repaired. After repairing it, Athens basically decided it was really cool and that they wanted to keep it. Finally, after years of fighting, Monemvasia got the gorgeous icon back. There was a huge celebration for its return and we just missed it by hours! That’s too bad because this town has no roads, it’s all rocky sidewalks and it’s a very calm place. I would have loved to see this place go nuts. Anywho, we went into the church that the icon was finally returned and it is guarded by it’s own security system and a locked door that you can only see the icon through. It was still an amazing thing to see.

So as if this wasn’t hilariously abusive to myself enough, the best incident came later. I went swimming in the water and slipped on a rock. My foot hurt a tiny bit but I just thought some little rock was left in. About 30 minutes later when we were sitting on the side, I pointed it out. Everyone told me they were sea urchins, and I’m still not entirely sure what that means but it’s not good. Probably poisonous or something. So from there, two of them came back with me to my room to help. After Caroline got the first one out, it was a lot bigger than I thought it was so I guess I got a funny look on my face and said, “You gotta get those out of there!” Not all of them would come out, so Caroline and I decided to go to the pharmacy down in town about a mile away. We get there, and the pharmacy’s closed. The lady had just locked up, I explained to her what had happened, and she just kept saying the word “afternoon.” Still not entirely sure what that meant. So we headed back and attempted sea urchin removal part two: electric boogaloo. I soaked my foot in hot water, but was a little baby about it. This did not help. Caroline was now frustrated and felt as though the sea urchins were beating here. She would not have that. We went back to the pharmacy. I explained to the guy that I had sea urchins stuck in my foot. His response was, “Like, from the sea?” Ughh yes, precisely. He then told me he couldn’t do anything for me. Great. Then, thank goodness, he remembered what he could do. He goes and grabs a needle and hands it to Caroline. I immediately ask, “Are you giving me a shot!?” and panic. She laughs at me and tells me it’s just to dig them out. Ohh, good. Even better. I then buy her a gyro and run back to the town we were staying it that was all steep uphill. Bad choice. We go back by the water so that I didn’t have to walk so far and then I could have a distraction so I wouldn’t die. Everyone was trying to help in such hilarious ways. It was so painful, I was biting on a towel. I heard them say, “okay” so I thought they were all out. Nope, they didn’t get any out. Just digging holes in my heels, no big deal. So then we take a bunch of group pictures and I head back to my room where I soak my foot in legit hot water this time. It was hard to balance and I’m not flexible so I created a makeshift stool to use. Worked perfectly. Then Caroline got determined once again and went after them. She got one out and we gave up on the last one. We couldn’t decide if the one got out because we didn’t see it, but I later found it in the soap I was using. Ouch. I named the one left in my foot Jerimiah. We finished just before our final and got no studying in because of this ordeal. My professor was so baffled about how I was so calm and weird about this. He kept checking on me, I should have milked it and pretended like the reason I didn’t know some answers was because I was in shock and didn’t have time to study. Tragic day, really took a toll. Not really…

I’ve been completely unmotivated to do finish this blog. I might be going through some sort of preemptive depression and thinking that avoiding discussing it will make it not happen. I have had a few days off and in Athens now. Maggie was there and I was beyond excited to see her in my new favorite place in the world. She did so much on her own because she was in Athens the day before I got there. Impressive. But I must tell about the last night in Monemvasia.

We had a group dinner on our last night because it was the end of the program. We got to the restaurant, demanded that we sit at one table instead of the two that they set up for us. Then, after basically rearranging their entire restaurant, our professor decided he wanted to sit in this patio area off to the side where we’d be alone. This was a pain for them, but we were extremely loud so they should be grateful we weren’t ruining all other customer’s eating experiences. We did the basics and got the appetizers, but much more drinks this meal. We toasted to our current professor, John, Professor Fisher, and Kristine. Although Eddie always does the toasts, he asked Caroline and I to give the toast for Kristine. Fitting since she has had to live with us and organized most minutes of our trip. From there, we started announcing random superlatives for each other. I was given things such as, “Loudest and most obnoxious in the morning” “Biggest Bro” and some specific ones about me falling or breaking things like chairs. Better than high school where I combined to win biggest loser. Most likely to teach at RB and most likely to never leave Riverside. Good. After each one, we would cheer and drink. We learned some Hebrew words from Ezra. It escalated quickly and we spent hours taking pictures and just talking in a way that was nostalgic for the current moment. When I was a freshman, I had to read a lot of work from Chicago writers. I can’t tell you who wrote this, but there was a passage that really stuck with me. It was about how he was with this girl but for the first time in his life, he felt himself missing someone he was still with. This was personal to him about how he knew the relationship wasn’t going anywhere regardless of how great she was. The concept is a really interesting one to me and I thought I understood it but the way I felt at this dinner proves that I had no idea what that was like until now. We were such different people, and even different from the people who first came to Greece. I will obviously keep these friends, but we are going to be different people once again in America. It won’t be nearly the same. Too many America problems for the kind of simplicity we all found as friends.

After dinner, John told us about this club. We get there and it’s basically empty except for a few adults at the bar and a six-year-old girl. I kid you not. She was wearing a Hello Kitty shirt. This place isn’t real. We danced and John bought us too many tequila shots. John and Kramer were talking about us as a group and Kramer was telling him about how most nights go when we’re all out together. “Ezra will start two stepping any minute now…” and I guess he did immediately. Next Kramer told John, “Molly and Nicolette will be doing the worm soon.” Right on cue. I have some horrible bruises from that. Worth it. After this, some were put to bed, and the rest went down to the water. We went swimming. My mom is rolling over in her future grave. The stars were so stunning. I could have just floated there forever. When we asked John if he was going to get in with us, he said no because he was going commando. What a guy. We sat there for hours and finally made our way back to our rooms.

Then the next day, we left unacceptably early. After a long busride, we got back, I found my sister and we got settled in. I had to say my goodbye to a few in the group with was upsetting. Couldn’t stay upset for too long because it was time for karaoke!

The straws were all red and black for Lake Forest. The second bar was closed early so my favorite bartender could come and join us. This wasn’t the best karaoke because there was a table of douchers who were playing their own drinking games instead of karaoke-ing. They joined later and sucked anyways. I signed up Caroline, Maggie and I for many songs. Maggie refused to join for a while. We bombed “Kiss the Girl.” Then I got Mag up there for some NSYNC. That just blew the lid right off it. We signed up for a second NSYNC song and when the chorus came, Maggie handed me the mic and did the entire dance in front of everyone. Such a proud sister at that moment. It was awesome. This was followed by our expert running man. I had such a blast. Then some frat guys were annoying, we met Australians or New Zealanders (sorry, Flight of the Concords, still don’t care about the difference. Except New Zealand has better ads according to that show) and a majority of them shaved their legs. I meet the weirdest people.

The next day, Caroline and I had to fit 3 months worth of souvenir shopping into just a few hours. Maggie joined for a while but I think we overwhelmed her with the oddly specific things we decided we needed. I need things from here for a lot of people as well as for myself. She bowed out and we took our last trip to our yogurt place. I’m such a mess about leaving. I was taking pictures of everything as if they all had personal sentimental meaning to me.

Last night, we had Ezra and Kramer come over. Kramer had never seen the rooftop bar so we had full intentions to go there, until we found out it was closed. We spent some time at the regular sports bar where I had to say goodbye to Kram and Ez, which was very difficult. It’s so ridiculous because I know I’m still friends with them, but this whole trip has just been the best thing I’ve ever been a part of and it sucks to see it end and see everyone have to leave when I just want to start it over and do it again.

We headed back to the room and enjoyed our last Gordon’s Spaces and I went for a walk. Ended up seeing Kristine walking to the Areopagus when I was on my way. We sat and reminisced for a while as we stared at the Acropolis. The only thing left on our goal list that we created on a napkin was “dance in front of the Acropolis” so as we headed back I put in some Ke$ha and danced around the lower level. Kristine was uncontrollably laughing because the police were so confused and in hysterics about the weird girl who was dancing like a fool in front of one of the most iconic archaeological sites in the world with not audible music playing. Totally worth it. Check.

This morning was rough. I had about 2 hours of sleep, Maggie had about 10 minutes and we had to make our way to the port. We both thought we were in such a rush and we were both in such a haze that we got to the boat super early. I’m talking Mary Jo time. Now we’re on a 7 hour ferry ride to Santorini. I realize that it’s absurd that I wrote my paper about the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants but wasn’t planning on visiting Santorini, but all is right in the world. We’re sitting right by the Goody’s but I will avoid eating it at all costs because last time I did, it went ahead and destroyed my insides for about a week. Caroline thinks it was something else, but I blame Goody’s.

I have found out that I am now an expert responsible half asleep packer at this point. Most mornings, I was running on 2 hours of sleep and walking in a daze and somehow still had all the necessities. About 15 minutes into the cab ride I woke up officially and started to realize that I did not have any clue if I packed the ferry tickets. I did, success.

I need to find a donkey the minute we get on this island. Also, finding Kostas would be nice but I’ll keep my expectations low. I now know what to expect with Greeks. Mullets.

I do plan on blogging at least once more. I will tell all the tales of Santorini, and then for my own personal sanity, I plan on blogging about how home is after a few days. This will be therapy for me as I bash everything about home and give advice on people who plan on going to Greece in the future. As one of my favorite grad speeches has told me, advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth. I was reading through my collection of favorite grad speeches and laughing uncontrollably on the bus one day and Caroline asked why. When I explained that I collect my favorite graduation speeches, she was baffled. I haven’t lost my shock value with this people. It’s awesome.

Now I am writing from the lobby of our hotel in Santorini. The shower is typical for Greece. The beaches on this side of the island are black sand and look so cool and so different than anything I have ever seen. We are on the side of the island that isn’t the touristy part. There aren’t very many people or buildings at all but the mountains are beautiful. Tomorrow, Mag and I will travel across the island to the more recognizable part of Santorini with the white and blue and donkeys. There better be some frickin donkeys. These last couple days are just basically going to be a relaxing time to transition back to home. This sounds outrageous, I know, but I am accustom to staying out until 4am and averaging about 2 hours of sleep per night and not having to answer to anyone really. This lifestyle won’t fly at home, understandably so. Thank goodness Maggie’s calmer than me. So we don’t really have huge plans. We’re going to just hang out here tonight. Tomorrow we’ll lay out on the beach, make our way over to our next hotel and then adventure through the beautiful buildings and watch the stunning sunset. The hotel we’re staying at is a honeymoon place so I’ll be sure to make that as uncomfortable for everyone involved as possible. Followed by booing random happy couples to make sure they are aware that they make me sick to my stomach. We will be greeted in our honeymoon room with a bottle of wine. Now that I think about it, I am torn between pretending like it’s our honeymoon and saying things about how we now have the same last name, etc. or if I should go with the Sex and the City Movie idea and tell people this was supposed to be her honeymoon with her husband but she was left at the altar and this was nonrefundable. That could be a fun bitter conversation with all the newlyweds around asking about our story.

I am currently reading the book The Nanny Diaries. I’m only a little bit into it, but I already love it. Mainly because I’m pretty certain that the author might be me. Her sarcasm and dry humor and ridiculous anecdotes and attention to stupid details are very similar to the way I go about my life or the way I perceive people. She’s brutal. Except she likes kids…that’s a major differentiating point between us. That, and she thinks boys with long-ish hair (tuck-behind-ears-length) are attractive. Now that I have been in Greece for so long, anything that is longer than a buzz on a boy is far too close to a mullet.

Does Barry Manilow Know That You Raid His Wardrobe?

Dearest blog world

I am on the boat back from the beautiful island of Naxos. It is sad to leave but I’ll go over the hilarious negatives soon to make me feel better about it.

First, we took a boat to Paros as a class to have the one-hour class session looking at one church. It was interesting, I’m not taking away from that, but it was clearly ridiculous to go all the way to this island for class. Which is why I love this program. Just a vacation for the past few days. No one was really paying attention in class. Most didn’t have a necessary item like a pen or spiral. Some had neither. I had both but this guy who is much very studious and anxious than me forgot his pen and to avoid that panic attack I gave him mine. Everyone can thank me later. Well, the funny thing was I took my pen from Caroline actually who thought she had an extra. She didn’t and didn’t even care to steal mine back. So she didn’t care not having a pen because she thought I’d want it more than she would need it and I freely gave the pen away without even being asked. Caroline and I get along so well.

So that’s all I have to speak of class related. Afterwards, we went to the beach and just relaxed and swam. It was very nice and gorgeous there. Except Kramer wearing a Speedo. That wasn’t so pretty. We went out to dinner as a class where we made fun of the grammatical error on our professor John’s tattoo, looked through all our cameras to find the most embarrassing photos of everyone. After dinner, we sat on this patio thing where we could get Internet and barely talked. This caused the old people to call and complain about us several times. They suck.

The next three days were free so some stayed on Paros, some traveled to other islands, some went to Athens, etc. I went with five others to the island of Naxos. The myth behind Naxos is that Ariadne got dumped here and Dionysos found her. Pleasant. After everything she did. It’s fine, Ariadne made a comeback in Inception. Probably the same person.

I stayed in a basement room with two girls. It was a really nice place, very close to the beach. Of course the shower was outrageous. First, the light in the bathroom was out so everything had to be done with the door open. No complaints about that. I’m weird. Then you had to hold the showerhead, which is common, but this one had coil wrapped around it that came uncoiled towards the end. Caroline has a large gash in her thigh from this. The first time I showered I could not, for the life of me, figure out how to get it from the bath faucet to the showerhead. I ended up just sitting on the floor. It was simple but whatever, I still argue that it wasn’t working for me. “Oh you just pull that knob up like you do with every shower anyone has ever come across? Never would have tried that…”

We spent our days on the beach. I was wearing high-waisted shorts the first day on the beach so I have a hilarious tan line from those. I also got super sunburnt but avoided passing out from it, maybe because I didn’t get out of bed the next day. It was raining, lay off me. Had some delicious food, felt like my mom because I ordered off the kid’s menu multiple times. This hilarity was enhanced by the time I ordered an inappropriately named drink to go along with my kid’s pasgetti. The waitress actually came up at one point and said “Here is your kid’s ice cream aaaaaand a free shot of Ouzo.” Of course.

The night before we left for Paros, one of our many bartender friends told us she was working on the rooftop bar. We had to go, of course. It was a shame we hadn’t been there yet. It was so pretty because it was small and just a lot of nice people and seat cushions on the roof that was so close and a perfect view of the Acropolis. Talking to Kathy, the bartender, I told her about how I want to continue traveling and the one place I’ve truly always wanted to go was Ireland. This was a fun conversation because Kathy is from Ireland. We’re facebook friends and she told me to keep in touch and that she would love to road trip around Ireland with me if I came next summer. Something to think about. From there I decided it would be fun to go look at the old Olympic Stadium down the block. Realized there is so much left to do here and I’d rather not leave.

I forgot to mention this in the last one but it was much too funny to ignore. In Thessaloniki we went to a restaurant called (in Greek) “Souvlaki with a Degree.” This was a place opened by two university graduates who could not find work after desperately looking for a few years. The entire place was school themed. The sign was a picture of Einstein with a tongue piercing. The outdoor seating was actually school desks and chairs. The menu was surrounded by protractors, pencils, erasers, and all sorts of school supplies. The food was served on a tray that was similar to the ones found in school cafeterias. Not only was it clever, it was delicious. John told us about this place but sadly, my favorite funny aspect of the school theme was no longer used. Instead of just using plain parchment paper, they originally wrapped the gyros in photocopies of their university degrees. I found that absolutely brilliant and wanted to steal a bunch to show people at home but now it’s just simple paper. Ohh well, the idea is still genius and they were funny people. Once again, their response to me telling them I’m from Chicago was, “Ohh the Bulls! Michael Jordan!” so they were more than alright with me from the start.

We have just arrived in Sparta. Which means it will be a few days of only quoting 300. Our bus actually had a picture of that movie poster on it. Well, this is Sparta. It’s really hot here which is a nice change but hopefully we don’t have to go anywhere that makes us wear pants. That’s what Christianity is. The voice that demands you to wear pants when you’re hot and don’t want to.

This hotel is weird because it’s a lot like an American hotel with the regular elevators (still too small though) and the keys that you insert into the door slot. It threw us off for a little bit. Not used to that.

In other news, I just recently saw the video for the song “Party Rock Anthem” by LMFAO and would appreciate it if everyone could watch it. They do the running man the entire time. Every day I’m shuffling as well, LMFAO. Also, I need, not want, need, one of those shirts with the person doing the running man on it.

Sean Combs has decided to further his career no longer as Diddy Dirty Money, but instead Swag. Which sucks because that is such a great word. Swag. It’s applicable to most everything in life. That’s two strikes against the word “swag” for me now. 1) When a boy told me I was “Hella dope swag” I nearly peed my pants. What a well-formed, sincere compliment. 2) The artist formerly known as 55 different names, Puff Daddy was my favorite and clearly the best. Why couldn’t he just pick a nondescript symbol like the artist formally known as Prince did? He had to go and ruin the fun for the rest of us.

I shall hide behind that garbage car.

I should probably blog.

I wrote that first sentence about 2 days ago. Now I’ll try and follow through with it. Class has been so wonderful. John is simply wonderful and hilarious. He told us a story about how he lit his church on fire the day of his wedding just minutes before his bride was coming upstairs. He told us that once he was telling a class about how the remains of someone in one of the church they were studying at were fake and probably the only English speaking priest came up and started yelling at him and would not reason with John so the priest ultimately yelled, “You’re excommunicated!” which is not how that works but absolutely hilarious. He also told us about the time when one of the students tripped in a museum and landed on an ancient rug and nearly ruined it. After seeing this rug and hearing this story, Nicolette had the greatest pop culture reference of all times. “That rug really tied the room together.” So very perfect. John has me figured out already though. He asked if I had any other volume or preferably a mute button. We told him no and that I am physically unable to whisper and he thinks it’s hysterical. Mocks me regularly now. We’re buddies, it’s fine. Lil’ John and I. he prefers that nickname over the other one I was using which was the abbreviation of “Byzantine John…”

We went to Kalambaka for the next part of the class. The travel day we had was absolutely gorgeous weather, of course. We stopped in this small town for lunch that reminded me of Colorado. Well, what I imagine Colorado would be like. The furthest west I’ve been is Iowa. Rough. We went to this place and literally just got meat. Pieces of paper with meat and they handed us toothpicks. It was incredible. Then, we got to the very nice hotel and most of us went out to the pool. I got thrown around and pushed in a little. Played some ping pong, which I miss so dearly. I skyped with my family that night which was so nice, especially since I haven’t talked to some of them since I’ve left. One of them being my brother, weird. In Kalambaka, we went and visited a bunch of monasteries. I still struggle to spell that word. I can tell you all about the architecture and icons, but I can barely spell that word. Most of the paintings in the narthex depict the saints being tortured so it’s a really terrible thing. Some of them are just getting beat with a stick, others are boiled alive or cut at the limbs or attacked by lions. I am one of the three Irish-Catholics on this trip and I always have to remind them that the emphasis is on the Irish part more so than the Catholic but this was proven when I could only recall about two of the stories depicted on the walls of the monasteries. The other two could tell you the story behind every wall painting plus which saints the icons were. CCD has done me no good. I didn’t even get to pick a confirmation name because my church, St. Mary’s, said I was named after 2 saints and needed to pick one of those to do my project on. I chose Rose because I was trying to make a point by not picking the name of the church. Showed them. At these monasteries, besides the fear of me bursting into flames instantly, my wardrobe was of a main concern. My professor told me I might be thrown into the fountain. Girls had to wear long skirts but since I own none and thought it would be fun, I took advantage of the monasteries offering tablecloths with strings on them as skirts. For months, I have been told about how horrible they are and how I don’t want to wear them. They were awesome. So many patterns, absolutely ridiculous. I got yelled at by a nun and was tempted to tell her that I was her for Halloween as a child. True story. Since I’ve visited all these churches, I have realized that everything about my life is probably wrong. Since my immediate reaction to new facts or certain monuments in the church are always sacrilegious, I have a lot to reconsider.

The way Christ is depicted is either through a fish or a peacock. The fish is because each letter of the word “fish” in Greek represents something about Jesus. The peacock is simply because it’s beautiful. Peacocks are my favorite animal so I get to see all these mosaics with peacocks made of gold or just various statues or chairs that are peacocks. It’s awesome.

I have to start getting people souvenirs. I need to start throwing away some clothes to make room for the things I’ll bring back for people. Shouldn’t be too hard because a lot of stuff I don’t wear or don’t need or some even have stains or holes but I’m stubborn when it comes to clothes. I told my classmates that the last week we’re here they need to start doing things to ruin the clothes I’m wearing. Pour things, I’ve been burned by some cigarettes, sleevemonster, just do what you gotta do.

My mom is easily one of the funniest people in the world. And I’m not just saying this to get on her good side. We finally got back to Athens and I show up to class yesterday with a large pile of mail waiting for me. My professor told me I couldn’t read it until after class (in a snappy way, might I add) but it was well worth the wait. First was a card from Aunt Peg that just said “srsly” on the front and “wtf” inside. Why the face? Then I had about 5 letters from my mom that were literally just post-its with random things on it basically because we’re competitive as a family and I want the most letters. One of them was a random “get well soon” card she found. I was laughing hysterically for at least 30 minutes and then at various points the rest of the day. My classmates told me that they now understand why I am the way I am and that they want to meet her. They also commented on how they never get mail and I’m delusional. All I know is that I saw someone get a letter once when I didn’t and it made me jealous.

Last night was karaoke, of course. Only one more left. So sad. The bartender Bab was asked if he thought it would be a good karaoke night and he said, “Should be, the Lake Forest girls are here.” It was phenomenal. He revealed the super Disney playlist of options for karaoke. Don’t mind if I do. Whole New World. Under the Sea. Check and check. Moniter was borderline unnecessary. Plus I did Bruce “Born To Run” and proudly did not look at the screen once. I really got into that one. Nailed it. Met some people from Wisconsin who had been to the Brookfield Zoo. Such a small world. I have also noticed that nothing brings a room of strangers together quicker and better than someone picking a perfect song at karaoke. Beautiful thing. One of the bartenders told us she would sing with us if we did Total Eclipse of the Heart. Had I known this was an option, it would have been done many times before. I clearly had to do the Old School version though. “I f*cking need you more than evaaa!” That made me about 3 new friends in the room due to them understanding my pop-culture reference via karaoke. Good basis for friendship I think. A girl I met did “Blame it on the Boogie” and I asked her where her bedazzled star sweater vest was. I don’t know if that one was over her head.

I am overwhelmed by the fact that I only have exactly 2 weeks left here. It went by so fast. We revisited a museum that we went to on the 2nd day we were here and I’m pretty convinced that that actually happened 4 days ago. Insane!

I went and got some mousaka to go from a restaurant the other night around 10pm and the place gave it to me for super cheap and even gave me bread so it was glorious. Then, instead of just eating in my room I decided to go sit on that large Areopagus Rock right at the base of the Acropolis. It was so beautiful and nice to just sit there and eat some delicious Greek food, listen to good music and sit outside on a nice night and stare at the Acropolis. I had such a great time. On my walk back, I stopped to get some pomegranate juice and discovered that this café makes these kebabs that are alternating strawberries and bananas all dipped in chocolate. I was going to try and eat healthier but that changed some things. Then after, I went to a friend’s room where I found out that class changed from 8:30am to 12:30pm. This place can’t be real. It was a good night. I need to do dorky things on my own like eat on a rock at night more often here. I have a couple weeks to do that. Literally, a couple. Ughh. Then I will have to face all the “American Problems” as I lovingly call them and have been pushing out of my mind. Not now though. Not yet. You can’t make me!

Tonight was a blast because we were invited to Professor John’s house for a party with his friends as well as his students from his other abroad program so I met a lot of kids from the Midwest, especially those from Chicago. It was a grand ole time.

Showers:
Thessaloniki-bathroom was just a wetroom. I had to hold the shower head because there was no base on the wall for it and it was just an elevated corner with no curtain. I got to sit on the toilet and shave though, good times.
Kalambaka-very small 2ft x 2ft tub thing with a seat and this shower curtain that was on rods, hard to describe but it was pretty pathetic. Also nowhere to put the shower head so I just had to hold it. I tried to sit on the seat once and thought it was at least 6 inches higher than reality. Fell and had a minor heart attack because I thought it was a much closer seat than it actually was.
Now I’m back in Athens where it’s just a corner of the bathroom as always. Squeegee time is back and it’s directly facing a shelf that holds the extra toilet paper. This would have been good to notice before we needed another roll of toilet paper and they were completely drenched. Smart girls here. Also, we have been lazy about squeegeeing so we have each fallen because of wet feet or wet shoes. I have multiple times, one of them led to me hitting a shelf in the room and breaking it. When Caroline fell she kicked me and I spilled. Kristine’s fall just ended with her in the splits a little.

Today, Professor Fisher described a door that had a bunch of complicated locks by saying, “It’s like a chastity belt.” This cracked me up so I texted it to my friend who said, “I’ve experienced it, not a bad comparison.” This whole situation was almost too much to handle. Fisher then gave Caroline and I money for a cab because we stayed after class to wash dishes. Fisher then attempted to teach us how to give directions to the cabdriver in Greek while I just pretended to repeat the words back to him but I actually was not paying attention to it at all. As we walked away we shared a conversation that went a little like this:
Me: Wow, that was nice of him to pay for a cab.
Caroline: Yeah, great.
Me: Want to take the Metra and get yogurt with it instead?
Caroline: Yep.
Same page, people.

Now I must go to bed where I am finally uncomfortably hot. Sounds terrible, I know, but I look forward to it since I have complained about the cold weather so often. This makes it impossible to sleep in the morning. Also, the beds are covered in plastic wrap which is fine, no bed bugs I guess, but my sheets came off a bit and I somehow can’t fit them back on so it makes it a sticky sweaty surface for my arms and somehow sometimes my face.

What am I going to do back in the States without this blog? I need to broadcast my thoughts in this format. I’m addicted!! You’ve created a monster.

I need to take a minute to think of a new title because my mom hated the last one. This is weird though because when we watched that movie she cracked up endlessly about that quote. I’m calling you out, mom. It’s funny. We did talk about Yemen a little today, which makes me tempted to quote Friends, but I think I’ll come up with something else.

I tried to fart and a little shit came out. I just sharted. Now let's go.

I was going to dedicate a blog post to my mom coming up because of me missing Mother’s Day and all but I figured it’s better to do that now because of recent events.

I got my nose pierced basically on a whim. The details of this event are pretty wonderful. I walk into a couple places to compare cleanliness and more importantly cost. I decided to go to the first place I entered. The guy with tons of face piercings and the screamo rock sold me. Nicolette was with me who repeatedly asked, “You sure you want to do this?” Umm no I do things without thinking and rarely regret them, that’s how this works. I went into it knowing my mother would not approve and most likely find pleasure in ripping it out the minute I get home. Still thought it was worth it. Nicolette wasn’t allowed in the back room with the reclining chair where I would be getting the hole punched in my face. She told me the only thing she heard was, “Was that it? Oh shit!” But the rest might be even funnier. I sit down, he offers me the option to change the music but I told him it’s probably more important for him to be comfortable rather than me. He gave me some Kleenex for when my eyes inevitably start to cry because it feels like getting punched in the face. I’m not taking a needle to anything. The following dialogue might be one of my favorite of all time:
Guy: “Do you have a tendency to faint at all?”
Me: “No.” (confidently, might I add)
Guy: “Really? Okay. Umm a fear of needles at all?”
Me: “Ehh ugh I mean not my favorite but ughh…”
Guy: “Okay close your eyes” (laughing at me)
I then closed my eyes and he told me he’d tell me when I could reopen them. I asked if he would tell me when he was close to piercing me. He clearly did not understand this request sadly. He put in the little clamp, which was a fun experience because something that cold has never been shoved that far up my nose. Then bam, a wide needle was shoved in my nose. Wahh. It hurt a little. I cringed a bit and was terrified that I ripped it out entirely by moving ever so slightly. Reasonable. Then he shoved in the stud that had to be twisted into place. What a pleasant experience. I then opened my eyes, he wiped the tears away that I didn’t even notice happened. He asked me if I had any questions. “When can I pick my nose again?” “Umm make sure your hands are clean.” He then offered me the things that clean it and gave Nicolette and me a free bracelet. Cool! It’s really too bad though because I had my eye on the mini sculpture of the dragon and fairy having sex. Now sometimes the ring gets twisted and looks like a shiny booger hanging out of my nose.

With that story out of the way, now comes the aftermath. First off, it looks awesome. I showed some friends from home and my sister who just reminded me that mom was going to kill me. I told her that I had mentioned it to mom before. “Yeah, but didn’t she say ‘no way in hell?’” Ughh yeah, but I still told her. So everyone asked when I was going to tell my mom and I figured I’d just send her a quick email mentioning it. No big deal. While in the boys’ room celebrating America (more on this later) last night I got the unexpected response. Oops, didn’t see that coming. So this is my apology thing.

I remember when I got my cartilage pierced. I came home with Michelle and Kelly who also got theirs done. When I told my mom her first words were, “Oh my god you are a whore! I’d rather you get a tattoo!” So let’s get this straight…I’ll go take out this completely removable earring and go get an incredibly permanent tattoo. See you there.

I have always done things on a whim. I started volleyball for fun. I applied to LFC out of boredom. I even applied to the Greece program as a “What the hell” kind of thing. Most decisions of mine aren’t thought through at all but usually always work out one way or another. This is because I have been raised as a genuinely good person so my instincts are for good things, not always things that run parallel with my mom’s decisions. This has made it interesting for her, I’m sure. It helps us get along though because they come with good stories and less preparation for her to freak out about. She always hears about my stupid decisions after I am safely through with them. Like that whole bungee jumping thing I did or when I went and picked up Maggie at like 2am that one time. If those were planned events, she would have been worried before trying to talk me out of it and then unable to do anything else during the event due to anxiety that something will go wrong. I decide to do something, I do it, something hilarious always happens, and then I tell my mom. I tell my mom most things people would hate their mother finding out about. This is because my sense of humor is based off of hers just taken to an extreme. I have perfected her sarcasm in a way.

I am so excited about being in Greece but I obviously miss my mom. I know she is so happy for me because she knows how much I am truly enjoying myself. If I were miserable she would be too. My sister even told her that she was dealing with me being gone really surprisingly well and I know this is because she’s happy for me. I am sad to see this experience nearing it’s end, but am also very excited to get home to my life at home all summer. It will be stressful and hectic but so much fun. I know my mom will get sick of me sitting watching Mean Girls over and over again and make fun of me for being a loser. I know she’ll love to hear about everything I am doing here over and over. I know she’ll get incredibly annoyed by me when I fall asleep at a friend’s house and don’t come home at a reasonable hour or even answer her dozens of phone calls. Considering this event is inevitable plus I no longer care about phones because of this trip, this should go well.

With all this said, I know my mom will get over this stupid decision. She always does. It’s easier to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission.

So it has been quite some time. Sorry to keep my fans waiting. So last blog I was in Mykonos on free days. Well, we went back to Athens on a nice little boat. I didn’t want to leave but that’s okay. Probably the first time I ever didn’t want to be back in Athens. We had class where we went to a few sites in the pouring rain of course. One of which had a cult relating to my favorite myth about Demeter and Persephone. Fun stuff. Karaoke was a blast, I sang “Oh What A Night” flawlessly. The bartender, Bob who makes fun of my accent so I call him Bab, makes a deal every week at karaoke saying that if someone nails a Led Zeppelin song they get a free drink. Our group, with my pushing and nagging, is going to memorize a song and even choreograph some sort of dance to go along with it. I don’t take karaoke challenges lightly.

Now we are in Thesaloniki, which is an awesome city. Right on the water with no beach, which is dumb. Bugatsa, a delicious Greek dessert, was invented here. There’s a Chinese food place that is owned by Chinese people so it’s ridiculously delicious. We went to a museum yesterday and the site of Pella and Vergina today. Because this country isn’t real, a majority of the museum as well as the entire site of Pella is closed. The museum at Pella used to have mosaics, but now just have pictures of the mosaics on the floor. So disappointing. The ladies working there were bitches too. Forgot to turn my flash off, I got yelled at for that. She snapped a bunch but that’s okay. Vergina was the coolest museum I had ever been to. They renovated the tumulus and left everything where it was. We walked right up to the tomb of Philip. Russell dropped his pen while we were learning there and it shot right into the roped off area of the archaeological remains of the tomb. I absolutely lost it and laughed for about 15 straight minutes.

We finished the Classical class today, which means we just have one class left. Unreal. Went by so fast!! I’m not entirely sure if I’m allowed in my house yet either so that’s good. Next up is Byzantine, which we didn’t learn anything about so I’m even more comically unprepared for class, which is seemingly impossible.

So as most of you hopefully know, Osama Bin Laden was finally killed. Hide and Seek game over. America. Well I walked down to breakfast without knowing of this news and Nicolette walks up to me and goes, “We killed Bin Laden. High Five.” This became an entire day of being pompously American. All I wanted to do was eat apple pie and listen to Bruce Springsteen all day. Russell spoke in a southern accent. We all sang, “America! Fuck Yeah!” everywhere we went. Kramer wrote in the museum’s guest book “Today Osama Bin Laden was killed by America. LFC.” We even had an All-American power hour with ouzo oddly enough. Kramer’s t-shirts were used to create a makeshift American flag that turned out to be more of a French flag but we did what we could. There was a moment of silence and I got to show off my Pledge of Allegiance skills once again. This started pretty early and it was one of the funniest nights of my life. The room connects to a roof that’s basically a balcony so we were out there where water was being thrown on Kramer. We assumed it was Nicolette. Turns out it wasn’t. We concluded that it was probably someone trying to get us to shut up. It was still light out so they didn’t have much reason to be too upset. Considering the boys were forcibly done by 9:30 I don’t think we disturbed anyone’s sleep. Hilarious.

I'll be back in a few days to make first impression judgments on my new professor. Don't you worry. I hate how the word "judgment" is spelled. Almost as much as I hate how the English translation here is actual English instead of American. Organise. Sucks.

The meal is not over when I'm full. The meal is over when I hate myself.

Foreword: I have never been allowed to have excessive amounts of caffeine. I would have maybe a Dr. Pepper from Dr. Pizza for the alliteration alone but besides that I couldn’t. I don’t drink much pop now and I hate coffee so I am still not a big caffeine drinker. I had an incredible amount of caffeine today. I fully understand why my mom wanted to avoid this. I am downright shaking and firing on all cylinders.”

Geez am I so far from being anything near funny but I still crack myself up. We are on our vacation time in Mykonos right now and I have nothing worthwhile to say as always but will make this excessively long and excruciatingly detailed. Enjoy.

First and foremost, I finally purchased a sunhat. This has been a postponed investment due to Mommie Dearest back home. Yes, I will compare my mom to Mommie Dearest because she was withholding my sunhat privileges. Especially now that I have one and see just how truly fantastic they are, I can fully understand what she was holding hostage. People said, “Why don’t you just get one for yourself?” and I say to them, “Good point,” but I listen to my mom especially when she was one week away from willingly funding a three month long trip to Europe when I can barely be trusted walking to the train station. While in America, I tried relentlessly for weeks to get a sunhat to take on this trip. I found some wonderful ones, sent pictures to my mom, called her over in the store and I heard almost every excuse in the book to decline my sunhat. Yes, there is an entire book composed of excuses to not buy me a sunhat. These include, “It won’t fit in your luggage,” “There will be better ones over there,” “You look absolutely ridiculous,” and many others, usually along the lines of the last excuse. So many adjectives were used to describe me in a sunhat, none of which agreed with my perspective on it, which would be “awesome,” “glorious,” “phenomenal,” etc. So we go shopping the first night we are here in Mykonos and all I ask for as I enter each store is a sunhat with a turquoise ribbon on it. You’d think I could spell that word after demanding the color so much. Nowhere had it and the shop owners did that stupid thing where I would specifically ask for this hat, they would grab one that was absolutely not what I asked for, and show it to me with a look of supreme accomplishment on their face. This would be repeated probably three times after I would chuck the black hat with the white ribbon or the tacky zebra ribbon on the beige hat back at them in a fit of anger. We enter this one store and I find this absolutely magnificent white huge sunhat. I look spectacular. The ribbon on it looked like a dirty white shirt’s armpits but I ripped it off with ease while still in the store. After grabbing a new one and having my friends unnecessarily reassure me that I look fantastic in it, I get in line to purchase the hat. Some woman from London is in front of me buying some sort of postcard or deck of cards like the tourist she was and turned around with a smile and looked up at me and we had this interaction:
Bad Teeth Lady: “Is this for you?”
Awesome Me: “Yes, it most definitely is.”
Her: “Can I see this on you?”
Oh Glorious One: “Of course.”
(I put the sunhat on and she begins to giggle while I blankly stare at her. She becomes confused. Downright befuddled.)
Her: “You’re kidding, right?”
Me: “Mmmmm no.”
She turns back around after a second of uncomfortable hesitation at my straight face and goes on to purchase her lame item from the souvenir shop while I proudly stand with my gigantic hat. No one could come within a foot of me. Another man overhears me saying something about Chicago and comes over and has this dialogue with me:
Weird Short Man: “Hello Neighbor!” (Mind you, he has a thick accent)
Me: “Ugh, yeah sure, Kalispera.”
Man: “Do you know what that means? Neighbor?”
Me: “Um. Yes I do know what neighbor means. Do you?”
Man: “Yes, you’re from Chicago?”
Me: “Yep…”
Man: “Do you know, ugh Joliet?”
Me: “Yeah, do you!?”
Man: “Yes, I am from there!”
Me: “Shut up!”
This man purchased me a postcard, gave me a handshake and told me “Always remember Mykonos.” This was quite the hilarious experience similar to the feeling I get when watching a sappy Nicholas Sparks movie where their love can’t go on after they leave a certain place or time. I will never forget what we had, creepy short man from Joliet. I leave the store with the hat bagged up and all paid for. The bag was unnecessary; it was 10 at night and the perfect situation for a sunhat. Any situation is perfect for this hat. I went to about 20 more little shops to find a scarf to put on instead of the pit-stain one that came with it and was unsuccessful. I came back to the room and remembered I had just recently bought a wonderfully printed scarf from H&M earlier that week that made the most brilliant bow on this hat. Things were just falling into places, the stars were aligned. For the remainder of that night I skyped several different people just to show off the hat. I don’t think I recall a single conversation from those skype sessions or even knew what they looked like at the time, I was too busy appreciating and marveling at my own video feed in the corner of the screen where it just barely framed the hat.

Next order of business, pelicans. I hate birds, but these pelicans are just too much for me. After getting lost on the way to our one day of class, we found the famous pelicans of Mykonos. One of them named Petros likes to go up to the restaurants and beg for food from the people eating outside. This is obnoxious yet hilarious. Petros originated in 1958 and is the mascot of Mykonos. Sadly and hilariously put in the Wikipedia page, Petros was hit by a car. Imagine being the guy who killed the most important thing, a bird, to this island. Since the bird was their mascot and basically savoir, I’d say these people didn’t have much hope for their lives. I like to think they did a mob thing where they tied bricks to his feet and drowned him in the sea, but the Greeks aren’t that awesome or mobster so I’m willing to bet they couldn’t even get that right because they were too busy not working or trying to figure out what the skin at the top of the nose underneath their eyebrow looks like. Also, I have and will retain more information about Petros than most things learned here. Well, they rename a different pelican Petros. After dinner one day, I thought it was a good idea to follow Petros. This town was built to confuse invaders so clearly I am not cut out to wander around such a place. I got horribly lost in the process. I touched it a couple times. A little boy and his mom were following it as well but were getting in my way so if I remember correctly, I believe I shoved him out of the way. The next day, Nicolette and I watched a pelican stand outside of a bathroom for about 45 minutes in pure awe and contentment. This pelican picked out one of the pink feathers on the wing and tried to eat it for some reason but it flew under the door. Trying to save it for her scrapbook or make a pen out of it, Nicolette tried to go around said pelican and open the bathroom door. We found out it was locked and the pelican immediately turned towards Nicolette and barked at her. It was hilarious and I walked away yelling, “That’s it, no more pelican watching. Leaving on a high note!”

This hotel is glorious, besides the showers of course. My shower story for this blog is actually pretty hilarious. They were having water issues at this hotel, of course. So I get into the already low pressure shower, get through most of it uncomfortably and am about 2 seconds into rinsing out the conditioner when the water starts to just dribble. I call in my roommates to laugh with me. This is hilarious until I realize all the water has completely stopped. I get out, put on my towel completely unphased by the fact that yet another shower in Greece does not work anywhere near properly, and head out the door. These hotel rooms are like motels and lead to a central court so I am outside in a towel. I go to all my classmates rooms asking if their showers work. This makes a few of them uncomfortable since the towels are meant to cover the body of a dwarf. None of these showers work. I attempt to use the shower next to the pool meant to be used before getting in the water. Doesn’t work. This is a joke. I have to sit in my towel with conditioned hair for about 30 minutes before the water got fixed and was back to it’s ridiculously low pressure status. (That’s all I have about the shower for now, hope that was sufficient enough, Biff.) The pool is so beautiful and has a magnificent view of the water. It goes on forever I think. The water is brutally cold and cause for hilarious pranks ending with me in the water, but this pool offers two very specific perks: poolside food and the thing I dubbed the stage. You can order food from the very attractive hotel front desk man for cheap and he will bring it to your poolchair outside. I gotta say, it feels phenomenal. Sitting in my sunhat, lounging in my chair one leg bent gazing out at sea while a good looking Greek man brings me food. I am special. Especially since Greek men are 90% unattractive, 9% always in dark creepy corners of clubs, and 1% reasonably attractive, this is a fun time. Now onto the stage. On the far length of the pool, there is a wooden walkway across the water. This is clearly my stage. This along with the area of the water that divides the Jacuzzi (not hot tub, very different) from the pool that makes it look like I’m walking on water and basically Jesus (is it sacrilegious to fancy myself as Jesus on Easter?) This stage makes for a few things. One of which is a great time for me to show off my performing skills and shamelessly bad voice. Another is causing universal regret and blame towards whichever classmate thought it was a good idea to bring out the iPod speakers. I plan on choreographing a dance to a selection from Mamma Mia for the class to participate in. I’m pretty convincing.

After the last class we had when we went to Delos, a classmate, Kramer, had to give his presentation on symposiums. Now, symposiums were the eating and drinking parties for men. I learned a few things from this presentation. One of which, I’m weird. I may be getting this confused since I wasn’t entirely paying attention, but the men would eat the communal food like bread with their right hand and their personal plate with their left hand because the left hand was gross and personal, I believe was the expression. This caused me to react out loud, “Wait, I wipe with my right,” to my roommates sitting next to me who still repeat this story for it’s hilarity. These people must meet my friends from home if they think I’m so weird. The next thing I learned was a story about a specific symposium from who knows where where the men drank too much and got out of hand like they weren’t supposed to. This caused them to believe they were sailing in a trireme and the ship was sinking. They went ahead and panicked and started to throw all the furniture and contents of the room out onto the street in order to salvage the sinking ship. Completely unconcerned about people stealing their stuff, they kept working to drunkenly save the ship. This is hilarious and will be an ongoing joke in my life regardless of if anyone else finds it funny or understands it.

The Greeks celebrate Easter by attending mass on Saturday night at midnight. The Greeks have it figured out. It is so laid back. After attending a Catholic church a handful of times and watching Dane Cook mock it, going to a Greek church was a hilarious experience. The stuff all happened outside. I was incredibly claustrophobic and surrounded by smelly people similar to the phenomenon felt at the Taste of Chicago except I wasn’t especially concerned about getting food poisoning. The guy spoke on a microphone that could be heard throughout the streets. Chances are you were in hearing distance of a church last night. We were standing at a corner and bought or candles from a gypsy. The deal is that you just hang out, most people were adjusting their ridiculous heels or talking on their cell phones. Then at midnight, some crazy bells go off, flower petals are thrown about from the bell tower and you light your candle. This was pretty nifty, but sorry mom, I did not have any sort of religious awakening. Still a pretty terrible person. Some lady was trying to barge her way through and shoved me decently hard as I was holding a candle. This caused Nicolette to begin yelling, “Fire! You really want to mess with me while we are all holding fire!?” My hair was down and I was told today that one of the guys witnessed some strands of my hair light on fire and sizzle out but didn’t want to alarm me. This was probably a good idea because I would have began shaking my head as an immediate reaction to this news and definitely light my hair on fire Michael Jackson style without the capability to turn quickly to get it out and finish my on-stage performance. This lady was crazy though, she sucked. Then you just kinda looked around and then left. The tradition is that you bring the candle back to your home and light your hearth with it. The owner of our hotel specifically asked us not to bring the fire in our rooms. Plus the walk was windy and far and uphill so mine lasted about 2 minutes maybe. I did help a random Greek lady light hers. I brightened her life I think. So I’m pretty sure that whole experience means I’m forgiven for my sins now, right? That’s how that works I think. Whenever I feel like I do anything inappropriate in context, I will think back to this experience when my friend lit his cigarette with his Jesus candle and used the wind block thing connected to the candle that the gypsies cleverly assembled as his ashtray.

Now the Greeks put on this religious front for about 30 minutes so by 12:30 they begin to party. This is the biggest going out night in Greece or at least Mykonos so I was told. I’m not entirely sure of this logic. No one has work so it’s probably like a Black Wednesday type of deal. Plus I’m sure they have some logic like Jesus wants us to party. That whole water into wine deal, you know. So we get ready, attempt to convince the rest of the group to join us in the night’s festivities, fail as usual and then head down into town. Nicolette found this club we had been looking for for a few days called The Space Dance Mykonos Xperience. Sounds promising. Anywhere that is seemingly too busy to use the “e” at the beginning of experience is good in my book. Nicolette liked to change the name of it every time we mentioned it to some other variation of long pointless words about outer space and experiences. We get there and it looks empty and we were almost nervous about trying to get in because there were weird bouncers. I wasn’t really nervous, I make a fool out of myself without the assistance of other people. After witnessing a group of boys who I would assume to be 14 at the most got in with no question, we marched our American butts right through the sets of doors leading to what would have to be the most movie cliché club I have ever seen. Lasers. So many lasers. Within 20 minutes, I had been dragged onto one of the many three-foot big platforms above the bars containing a pole. I also convinced the weird boy who dragged me up there that it would be a better idea if he danced on the pole first while I cautiously crawled down this horribly constructed platform and idea. Next thing about what I now like to call Space Jam was the bathroom, which shared a wall with the boy’s bathroom but instead of a wall, it was a ceiling to floor window. I found this hilarious. I started throwing stuff at the window while boys would be washing their hands. Wrote some things in soap backwards. It was a good time until it got creepy. Creeps always have to ruin my fun. Unless of course it’s the Lonely Island. They create more fun. I left the bathroom where I went on to my next goal. At the back of this club was an upstairs stage that had a huge screen behind it playing a cycle of images completely irrelevant to the place such as flowers and water and letters. I would get to this stage. It involved two more poles and a semi-unacceptably-large group of all Greek men shirtless wearing tight white jeans coincidentally. Clearly this is my kind of scene. I found my way up the stairs, whether or not this was allowed is still up in the air. Got to the stage, asked fake permission to come on as I simultaneously crawled over the bars separating me from my stage. Once on the stage, I caught my friend’s eyes who were with some kids we met who came from Chicago who were completely baffled by me already. I began to dance alone because clearly none of the men on this stage were interested in coming anywhere near me. After about 12 seconds, I had an epiphany. This could be the best thing ever and I’m so glad I thought of it. I stopped, made sure I had all my friends’ attention, and began doing the running man. The image of me doing the running man on a stage at this outrageous Space Jam club with a group of shirtless tight white pants wearing men in between two poles in front of a screen flashing Greek letters and other nonsense is something I will hold dear to me forever. Sadly, no one had a camera for this event. Luckily, I will never forget it.

And I will leave you with that.

1466. '67. 1469. 1514. 1981? 1986? Please do not do that. Come on, I swear...Just hang in there one second. Please, God, give me the answer!

Well, I’m back on a boat and unable to sleep so here comes another ramble of epic proportions. Man, I couldn’t even get through the first sentence without a spelling error. I blame the lack of sleep in my life. All’s forgiven when I average 3 hours of sleep, sorry mom. Being lanky is rough on a boat. I am sitting in a chair and a little sideways and have tripped at least 12 people, most of which are children so I don’t feel too bad but still, I have to do the awkward thing where I have to say excuse me and then realize they might not speak English and then do my terrible impression of Greek.

Well I’m not entirely sure what I should talk about. We had a day of class called “Attica Day.” Sounds pretty crazy awesome. We were going to go travel to four different sites all along the Attica. I’d love to be able to tell you the names and I’ll try my best, but my professor’s accent is borderline gibberish especially when trying to spell something. This could have been the coolest frickin day ever but of course it had to be shit. It was raining and freezing cold. Who wants to hike to an archaeological site in the pouring rain and whipping wing? Some kids in the class were pretending like they were untouchably happy about it just because they were at a site. “You can’t be upset at a site this amazing!?” I showed them. Also, within ten minutes these people contradicted themselves at least twelve times finally ending in them blatantly complaining of misery.

The first site was Rhomnos or something. Good thing there are no fact checking in this situation. Journalism would be hard. Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.* Well, Rhomnos as I like to call it was pretty fantastic. There was a temple dedicated to Nemesis and some homes excavated. One of my favorite parts was seeing the herms I think they’re called. Just go with it. Well, herms are pillars with a head at the top of them. Thucydides tells us about one of the leaders going around and knocking the heads off of these herms in a fit of rage. This just brings a picture of high school kids in a pick-up truck swinging a baseball bat out the passenger window at mailboxes and reestablished my belief that shit don’t change.***

The next site…umm Vrauvron? Braubron? B’s are pronounced as V so I’m not entirely sure what is going on there. Well this was a cult dedicated to Artemis. It was closed so we literally stood on the side of a highway looking through a fence at the site. This place isn’t real. Well, girls would come here between the ages of 5 and 12 or so. It was their rite of passage but usually for aristocratic girls. The rituals had to do with bears because of some mythological story about how girls have to act like bears. Weird. But there were some things these girls had to do within the year they stayed there but the best part was that there were rooms for symposiums, drinking, which was specific to men. This tells us that there would have been some sort of graduation ceremony and then fathers would come and just drink together and probably ignore whatever beautiful traditions were happening while the moms sob and watch intently. Shit don’t change.

There’s a good chance I’m getting these confused. It was a rough day. I don’t remember the name, something with a Th- was the next site. The only thing we saw here was the ore depository system thing. This was a settlement based off of them finding silver so it was very unorganized and just built instead of planned. The ore system was fascinating and seemingly horribly dangerous but the slaves did the work so it makes sense that they didn’t care too much. Brilliant way of doing it though. On the bus, Nicolette had to give her presentation on slaves, which was very long and detailed and put most everyone to shame for their projects and life in general. Awesome.

The last site was probably my favorite thing in the world. I could just imagine how gorgeous it would be if it was a nice day. So frustrated. It was the temple of Poseidon. It was appropriate that the weather was insanity and actually hailing here because of how Poseidon was but still upsetting. It was surrounded by water on three sides and had rocks that I just sat on for a few minutes that hovered over the water. I think I was way too close to being blown off the rock though so we had to go. It was beautiful even with the wind and grey angry water. Screw you, Poseidon. This just gives me more reason to return to Greece someday though because I really need to experience this temple in pretty weather. I might not ever leave.

The busride back from that was awful. We were all soaking wet and trying to dry things off. So much windburn and discomfort. Luckily, I am a scumbag and never wear pants so I didn’t have the issue of wet heavy gross jeans. Paid off for me.

Yesterday we went on a boat to Aegina. I never get sick of looking at the water and am so impressed and in awe of everything still. We went to the temple of Aphaia or something. I just asked the two smartest kids in the class what it was called and even they didn’t know so don’t judge me. She was the goddess of the phenomenon and of things appearing and disappearing and stuff. I can honestly say I have no idea what happened at this temple. There were undefined rooms and the pediment was of war and Athena but the votives found were all female and the rooms might have been for symposium so it just seems like a mess to me. Our professor heard that we wanted more archaeology involved because Matthew did a lot of archaeology so she used this opportunity to show us that Classical archaeology tells you jack shit about what happened at the site. She was right because we had no idea what happened here. We believe it has to do with the land taking over and controlling the water based on the story that was connected to Aegina. Whatever, it was just gorgeous to look at the water from the temple. All that mattered to me. This was the site that I got yelled at for the first time. I got upset because a guy in the program referred to Kelly Clarkson as the “chubby blonde” and if the first word that comes to mind about her is “chubby” there’s definitely a skewed image of what girls should be, and this is coming from a non-feminist. Then he said that he could easily come up with a problem about every girl in the world. Emma Stone’s only problem was that she wasn’t with him, so I laughed and pointed out the fact that she willingly chose and put a conscious effort in to become a redhead and that’s definitely a problem and never acceptable. This was as we were walking up to the outdoor temple and this woman just yells, “Shh!! This is a sacred area. You’re not the only ones here!” I immediately laughed and shouted “Ohh SIgnomi! Bravo!” even though she was clearly not Greek and just a snooty arrogant tourist. Her husband had the most ridiculous mustache ever.

The next site combined some Bronze Age buildings with Classical so that was just confusing. Still not entirely sure what I looked at. I once again just sat on a column base and stared at the water. Then a couple of the girls got some food to go. We sat next to the water at a table while waiting. By the time they brought it, we just started eating it ravenously. The people a few tables away were hysterically laughing at us. We’re not real people. The guy working at the restaurant came and asked in his broken English, “Ughh not take out?” Yeah…didn’t quite make it past the table…

Less gypsies on this boat. Good times. A gypsy girl was bothering Kramer, Nicolette and I the other day when we were sitting at a café. She came back multiple times and I must say, we are pretty hilarious. Absolutely ruthless and bad people but still, hilarious which has always taken priority over decency. She was trying to sell us Kleenex. Not having it.

When we were in Olympia I was taking pictures around the site with Russell and we found some columns laying horizontal so I clearly had to steam roll them. As I was rolling around, Russell told me to make the sexy pose and face. I clearly have no idea how to do that; I’m not a real person. So I just pretended to be a cat and made a ridiculous face. This has entertained most of the group for some time now. I just looked up from typing this and Russell is across the room just making the face and hand motion.

I made my schedule for next year, which is pretty crazy to think about. This year is the first year that Lake Forest College is using online registration instead of just writing the classes you want on anything and getting it to your advisor in some way. Growing up so fast. Well, the registration for Juniors was going to be today but we’re on a boat so Nicolette somehow managed to convince the man in charge of the online registration to let us just send him the classes we want and he’ll do it for us. Umm, yes please. I’m not able to do anything by myself. Love it. So I got all the classes I wanted. I emailed him and wanted to attach a word document of the classes I wanted. Forgot to attach it. Sent a second one, finally attached it. I have to figure out a fourth class for the spring semester because it should be science/math and I definitely need to ask around to find the easiest possible one so he replied saying, “You know you only sent me three classes for the spring?” Hahahahaha yes, B.J. White, I am aware and capable of counting and know I only chose three. I love having low expectations. No one expects me to know or do anything and then bam, some kids in the program want pizza and guess who was the leader in getting there. So many high fives were given for that success.

And his name is actually B.J. White. That’s his email. I feel like he could have avoided that. Even Gaylord Focker came up with a different route. Especially once you start a profession, you could make any name you want. It reminds me of the scene in Toy Story 3 when Woody meets the new toys and the dinosaur who is the voice of the awesome girl from Flight of the Concords goes, “Really? Woody, you’re going to stick with that? Because now’s the time to change it.” Or something like that. I plan on changing my name in every phase of my life. This way, when I’m being lame or I suck people can be like, “You know, we miss Molly. This Molly Rose girl kinda sucks.” And of course she’ll suck, most people who demand to be called by their first and middle name suck. Sorry, mom, you’re the exception or something. But seriously, think about it. I’m right about this. Also, girls who have variations involved in their names are usually umm jezebels, harlots…Like Krystal, or Vikki. Or Serafena from Fenwick. She sucked. Her name sounds like an American Girl Doll but she was nothing like that. “Ohh, Sarah?” “Noooo Serafena meh meh meh.”

I would love to sleep right now but that’s just not in the cards for me. Last boat ride I spent my time blogging and then writing the paper for Conor about himself. Maybe I’ll write someone else a letter or something. So many people are sending postcards. I should do that. If I send a postcard I expect one in return. I want a postcard from like Berwyn or something ridiculous like that. Aunt Peg sent me a birthday card so I wrote on her facebook asking if sending cookies works, totally as a joke. My cousin Katy commented, “It does. She sent some to Thailand.” Oh man. This changes things. The bar has been raised.

Oh, Will2k just came on shuffle. No complaints here. It makes me a little nostalgic for driver’s ed when there would be a 90s music video break from the high quality videos of Mr. Howard reading and holding a handheld camera up to the exact same book we had except his had a few less penises drawn and/or carved in. These included the musical creations of Mariah Carey, Will Smith, or Britney Spears. This may sound like the highlight of these films, but I would argue it was second to Mr. Howard’s illiteracy. He actually could not read. You know that scene in Monty Python where the knight pronounces the word knight as “Kaaaanigget”? Yeah. Mr. Jones said “Rigahit” instead of right on multiple occasions. He struggle with the word “the” as well. Reading’s hard.

Now you’ve got me started on my driver’s ed class which is completely irrelevant to this blog yet somehow completely appropriate to talk about in any context. Mr. Howard lived in South Carolina yet ran the Mr. Howard Driver’s Ed class. Mr. Jones was the actual teacher. Pronounced “Mista Jones” by the numerous habitual visitors/crackheads. My favorites were Crackhead Darryl and Crackhead Dianne. Good times. Well, my brother went to this driver’s ed and would come home and tell my mom that Mr. Jones would be selling drugs. My mom obviously thought he was full of shit and just thought he was trying to be cool. He went on to get his license, make some terrible driving decisions combined with the worst luck ever, and end up being a driver’s ed teacher himself. I can only help he is giving his students the same opportunities as Mr. Jones did. “Have you ever drove through a Drive-Thru? Let’s practice that…” Then my sister attended and came home saying the same thing about drugs. My mom still thought it was a lie but a little weird. Maggie went on to get her license and never have any issues, of course. Knock on wood, I guess. Then I went to driver’s ed, believe it or not. I came home saying the same thing. Those behind the wheels consisted of me listening to the Bears game while sitting in park in a parking lot as Mr. Jones would go in his trunk and then disappear. Or we’d go to McDonald’s where he’d be gone for at least an hour and then return with just a small milkshake. Mom thought we were all just weirdos. This is until I was a Sophomore at RB sitting at lunch the day after my very last behind the wheel when I found out that good old Mr. Jones had been arrested for heroine possession. Of course he was. First thought, bahahahahahaha. Second though, do I still get my license? I remember blatantly calling my mom from class to tell her this story. Yes, I bullshit a lot and embellish most everything about my life, but everything has roots in truth. Proof. I did go on to get my license. In my test, the guys name was Guy, he asked if my mom was a registered nurse because our license plate was “RN” and I honestly just did not get it. He told me I passed and that I could just park and go inside and get my license. This specific parking job took up at least 4 spots. I’m not entirely sure how I even managed that. I just looked at him and Guy goes, “Well, you already passed. Whatever.” And that is reflected in my driving today.

I’m pretty sure my life is basically Slumdog Millionaire just a little varied. Most of my character traits can be explained by a pinpointed moment or story in my life. Also, there are random large dance sequences in both.



We are on our way to Mykonos today. We have class later today and then a 5-day vacation. I am beyond excited. As if I’m going to be able to learn today. Funny joke. We had to meet at 5:45 for the bus this morning. I am clearly an obnoxious morning person because I am an all over obnoxious person. First thing I did this morning was start chanting “My-Ko-Nos!” responded with a “Shut the fuck up, Molly,” from the roomies. Well-deserved. Then, Kristine joined in my annoying habits because we love the bartender at our hostel’s sports bar and his name is “Bob” so we like to pronounce it “Bab” and give him a hard time. It is reciprocated however. Like last night when this guy was trying to talk to us and took our dry brutal humor and making fun of him to his face as flirting so he stuck around for a while. I usually don’t retain or care about names, but his was Cassidy. From this moment on I made sure to end every sentence with the name “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid” There was no reason to use his name this often but it was fun for me. Bab told me that he had probably heard that one before and I should try and be cleverer. Stupid Bab. I’m hysterical. Side note, who knew that more clever is wrong and should be cleverer instead? Show of hands? That’s what I thought. Crazy talk. I just do as I’m told.

What laptop doesn’t come equip with solitaire? What is this? Just started playing on my iPod and feel like Charlie playing Simon Says. Remember how challenging this game was?

Some of these people and myself have come up with a new fun game based off of the “Nicolette Zorn Movie Game.” This game consists of you naming a movie and seeing if Nicolette has seen it. 10 out of 10 times she has not seen it. It’s actually impressive. Some of these films she has had to make an effort not to watch. The variation to apply to me is a similar idea, but instead of movies, you ask an intellectual question and 10 out of 10 times I do not know the answer. It just leads to them becoming increasingly impressed by how little I actually know and me giggling at my own stupidity.

We just got some Goody’s fast food on this boat, basically McDonald’s but it gives you a side salad, which is nice. We discovered that ketchup is actually just sugar water from what we can tell so that’s awesome.

I have been to the bathroom twice and have managed to trip entering and exiting the room four times. The same people have seen all of this and just look at me with their exhausted and confused eyes.

It is basically impossible for me to sleep with all the workers walking around in their tacky blue suit coats yelling at me for putting my feet up on stuff. Not my fault you made the most uncomfortable seating arrangement and my school won’t purchase me a ticket with an assigned seat so I have to create a makeshift sleeping situation.

I’m finally in my beautiful hotel room in gorgeous Mykonos. It’s rainy and cold but the weather should turn around tomorrow supposedly. The shower is somewhat normal. I’m actually confused by it. The showerhead is facing the right way, the tub doesn’t let too much water out and you can stand somewhat comfortably. The water pressure feels like less than cotton balls hitting your head, which is terrible but I’m not one to complain. We got here and decided it was a good idea to go jump in the pool in the pouring rain. Caroline, James, Nicolette, and I did this multiple times only to come up from the water screaming clever combinations of profanities each time. It was unreasonably cold and the owner and other guests were just laughing at us. They know we’re crazy and told us to keep it down after 11pm but I don’t think they expected this. I’m sure they’re all thinking, “Dear God, they’ve been here 20 minutes and they’re already running around without pants on.” So that’s good. I’m so excited to be here and can’t wait until I get 5 days off in a row to just sit by this pool that overlooks the perfect water. Ughh. Yayayay!!

*Totally stole this from a classmate who said it yesterday but I thought it was brilliant and will overuse it as much as possible and take ownership over it. Creativity is just hiding your sources.**
**Obviously I stole this quote too but that would just be weird to give credit to someone else for that quote…
***I know, Kelly, get my own thoughts.

I'm petrified of nipple chafing. Once it starts, it's a vicious circle. You have sensitive nipples, they chafe, so they become more sensitive, so they chafe more. It's a tough one. Gotta take precautions.

Okay I guess I’ll blog. I’m sure you have all missed me so very much. Well, Olympia was absolutely amazing. Then we came back to Athens for one night where we got two free pizzas so that was successful. The next day we went to Delphi, which is quite possibly the most beautiful place in the world. There were huge mountains and water in the distance. We ate at this restaurant that had such good pasta and a chicken Caesar salad. I have missed regular salad so much. We went and saw the stadium in Delphi and the temples. This was the site where the oracle would be. The only problem is that it is becoming tourist season as well as a lot of class field trips so the sites are a bit crowded and obnoxious. Lots of gingers too so that’s infuriating. We counted and took several pictures at Delphi. I love learning about the athletes but sadly our class doesn’t study the athletes too much. We did get to see a pool that was just for lounging about and relaxing so I like to think it was a giant hot tub. When we were standing on the street in front of a valley that led to a mountain one of the funniest kids I have ever met said this to the girl Keegan in our group, “I want to get some perspective on how far that mountain is. Kegs, throw a rock.” I couldn’t breathe due to laughter for quite some time. We also drank water out of the springs that were once used to cleanse yourself after pollution. So people who murdered people would come and just rinse off here and all was good. And then we all drank it. Sounds good. I feel like a better person. My insides have been cleansed of miasma. Now I won’t have to feel the wrath of Hera for being such a terrible person.

Demeter represents the women who let themselves go after getting married. This is why she has temples because she would be inside and not seen by the public. I like to think of her temples as a kitchen basically. It’s okay to make sexist jokes, I’m a girl. Just like how Ezra makes the best Jewish jokes in the group. Takes the fun away from the rest of us because we’re not nearly as funny when we try to make Jew jokes as he is. He’ll walk into a room and just shout, “Everyone put away their pennies.”

We also hiked up a mountain in Delphi. I’m not entirely sure why people do that for enjoyment. It was exhausting and a weird combination of hot and cold. There was a house at the top and some seating areas and I was absolutely baffled by this. Was this place frequently visited enough to have this stuff here? If so, people are nuts. It was an incredible view from the top and I wish I could stay there for longer. Except people do camp up there and that sounds insane. On the way down, one kid adventured off to find a cave while we waited for him and he came back walking weird holding something behind his back. When we asked what it was, he pulls an animals jaw bone out from behind his back and yells, “Petrified! I am petrified!” I nearly peed my pants it was so hilarious. He told us it was terrifying, lots of animal bones. I asked if it was anything like the Lion King and that I wanted to go. We walked over there and it was ridiculous. So. Many. Bones! They felt fake and it was a really weird thing to see. We took one and put it by the entrance as a “warning” because we’re lame like that. Then we let the same kid go on another adventure. This kid is ultra clumsy and hilarious in that way. He comes back to tell us he found massive cows. He also waited a few minutes before telling us this story: “Some birds flew out of a cave and startled me. I fell on a rock.” I laughed for extended periods of time. On the way down the mountain, once we could finally see the street I could no longer walk down the path. Muscle control was just gone, having bad knees is fun. So I started to run knowing very well I would fall. Which I did. Twice. It was hilarious. The first time I fell the first thought that popped into my head was that I should do a volleyball roll to stand back up. I agreed with this and began to do one, then realized I never learned how to volleyball roll and am completely incapable of doing such a thing so I ended up just rolling on my back for a few feet. That on top of running into every bed corner and countertop have given me some very bruised and abused legs.

One of the funnier things I have ever done was accomplished at the site of the oracle. We found a hole in a wall that took you through a tunnel underneath and around the Temple of Apollo where there was a group of 30 or so Spanish students looking incredibly bored. One of the ways you could exit was under a rock that two girls were sitting on with their feet dangling. Clearly I had to crawl out there and completely disrupt and shock the class who were absolutely unaware of this hole and tunnel. After getting the attention of my class from a different exit of the hole, I crawled back to the exit near the girls, composed my laughter, and moved the girls feet and crawled out onto the grass near the temple about 4 feet from the professor who was standing and lecturing. I found it hilarious and walked off holding in laughter, but the best part is that the class and professor thought nothing of it. I think one person gave me a look. Not a single person laughed except the people in my class. This was hilarious to me. Please imagine you are about 45 minutes into a lecture sitting in the hot sun on an archaeological site and a girl just crawls out from under two people right into the middle of your group. This would be uncontrollably funny if it happened to me. I honestly don’t think I could come back from that. Good times. I’m still “That American” no one likes.

Now we are back in Athens. We studied at the Acropolis, which was pretty amazing as you could guess. Saw a lot of gingers and some tool in an all grey sweatsuit that would have been too small on me. Got some pictures of that. Our professor used the word “boobies” and now I like her a lot. Today we went to the Agora on the Acropolis, which is where the boule would meet so basically where public speaking started. I had to give a presentation about rhetoric and appropriately bullshitted my way through it. I think it went really well. I got to make the joke about how public speaking is the number one fear second to death so someone would rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy at a funeral. I didn’t use “like” or “umm” or “ughh” the entire time so that’s good considering some people in the class tally that. Hilarious.

So my roommates and I have a rotation for who purchases this drink called “Gordon’s Space.” It is unbelievably delicious. As Rachel Berry would say, “It tastes like pink!!” We go to a kiosk and buy out the entire fridge of them which is usually 6 or 8 so not too bad, just very hilarious and as Nicolette said as I walked away from one with a plastic bag filled carrying it like a baby, “That’s not embarrassing at all.” Nicolette also said, “Wait. You have a rotation for who buys out all the Gordon’s?” Yeah, we’re losers.

Last night was karaoke, which we finally got to go to after missing it for weeks. It was a lot of fun, I sang Grease “We Go Together” and Madonna “Like A Prayer.” An old man with a harmonica told me, “You’re very entertaining up there. Can’t sing worth shit, but still funny.” My friends called me over because they met a kid who was from Canada but was born in Chicago. Not thinking much of it, since Chicago is a big popular city I asked where he was born. He told me Hinsdale. I said “Hinsdale as in Hinsdale Hospital!?” Everyone laughed at me because of course he was born in a hospital. This absolutely blew my mind. I was in Athens, Greece at karaoke night in a sports bar talking to a Canadian who was born in the exact same hospital as me! This was insane to me and still is. I told everyone and I don’t think they find it nearly as amazing as I do. Whatever, I think it’s pretty crazy. This place is not real. One more thing that proves that, my roommate couldn’t find her earring and it showed up in my bag today. Okay Kelsey’s bag. Okay, maybe I took it and don’t remember. But whatever, this place is magical and unreal.

My friend bought a shirt here that shows a rhino running on a treadmill looking determined at a poster of a unicorn like that’s his goal. So funny.

Oh, our shower situations
The one night we stayed in Athens: Same thing with the open shower at always in Athens, but it faced the glass slab this time so there was about 12 inches of room to fit in to shower in the corner. Smart.

Delphi: Similar to the shower in Pylos where the dolphins attacked. The curtain was white so it was a crazy experience to be feeling like it was suffocating you as if you were Morgan Freeman in his last scene of Lucky Number Slevin. Also, the shower head would not stay on the wall so you either had it facing and spraying at the wall, had to hold it in your hand, or do what I did and just allow it to fall on your head regularly. The bathroom floor got sopping wet and they didn’t even offer a squeegee. GWA.

Now our shower is the same old same old open area Athens shower. This time they threw a shelf in the corned across from the shower head about 2 feet away so that’s smart. All our toiletries are permanently sopping with now, especially because the water just builds up on each level of the shelf. Plus our squeegee doesn’t have a long handle so it’s like a hand held thing instead of a broom.

My roommate Kristine is sick so she is trying to make some soup but they don’t sell it in a can, they sell it in powder packets that you add to water. Which would be okay, but we need a liter of water. This is a problem because we have no idea how much a liter is. We used our coffee pot to measure that out, only to discover they don’t give us a pot big enough to fit a liter of water in. I said to just make it in the coffee pot but hey, that’s just me.

I never knew how truly weird I was until I came on this trip. I guess I’m just accepted at home and surrounded by weirdos there too because I will just say something in passing like it’s no big deal and people will be absolutely befuddled by these things I say and consider normal. I find myself saying, “Oh, you guys don’t do that?” or “That’s weird?” a lot.

We were listening to music in our room with a majority of the group in Delphi and Jay-Z 99 Problems came on. Nicolette knows literally every word to the song with hand gestures and everything. She is my go-to pop culture soul mate. I will quote something, she says the next line. I will as the group as a whole things like, “Does anyone watch Between Two Ferns?” of course she watches between two ferns. We go out dancing at a club, and end up just doing the dance moves from the Always Sunny episode, “The Gang Dances Their Asses Off.” We also did the worm at a club once. Completely out of line.

Just found out that the boys of Glee will be doing “Friday” by Rebecca Black in their prom episode. There is so much wrong in that sentence. I’m not entirely sure what to do with that. Plus Lady Gaga’s song just came out and involves the line “I’m still in love with Judas, baby.” So much confusion coming my way that I don’t know how to deal with. I did however see a hilarious youtube video today called PowerThirst. I highly recommend it. Especially you, Maggie and Kelly, just so I can say things to you like “So many babies! 400 babies!” and it be mutually funny.

Now I will come up with a name for this and finally get a good night’s rest in order to wander around a museum. I’ll try and get this one correct because Mary Jo got up on her high horse and called me out on the last one because some sources say “Tis.” Well, in imdb I trust so I just copied and pasted. I hear that Terry cheats when it comes to these quotes. Every party has a pooper, that’s why we invited you, party pooper.